Crackdown on lassi to make Friday call successful

Realising that lassi can hamper the Friday protest call, the city district government of Lahore along with police and political activists have started a crackdown on milk shops to disrupt the supply of yoghurt and lassi on Friday. It is very much pertinent to mention here that the government has given a call to the public to remain outdoors every Friday from 12pm to 12:30pm so that Kashmir cause be given a step forward.

“We have purposed to the government to impose section 144 under which drinking lassi on every Friday is banned and the violators will have to stay outdoor every Friday and Saturday,” said a government spokesperson on the condition of anonymity. When asked the reason for not disclosing their name, the spokesperson that the special assistant to the prime minister on information had wished to announce every important decision of the government in her press conference on PTV.

The source said that most of the people drank lassi on Friday and drowse in post-breakfast hours.  

Reacting to the development, JUI-F chief Maulana Fazlur Rehman and PPP Chairperson Bilawal Bhutto have declared Fridays as Lassi day. Both have appealed to their followers to drink lassi and distribute lassi to the public.  

On twitter, #NoTo Lassi and #LassiLassi were the top trends.

JI to wage Kashmir jihad with new catchy slogans

Coming up with a befitting reply to Indian brutalities in occupied Kashmir, the Jamaat-i-Islami (JI) has vowed to launch jihad and in this connection, it has convened its grand shura to create some catchy, provocative ‘Zalmu Qazi A Raha Hi’ type slogans.

“Our jihad starts with slogans and ends with slogans and meanwhile, if dollars show kindness to us, that is the mark of acceptance of our struggle,” said a JI leader at a party.

When asked why the party was banking on slogans alone, he said their struggle based on ‘Kashmir-bazor-e-shamsher’ proved to be futile.

“One can see that Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf which has neither tehreek nor Insaf in its ranks conquered Islamabad only on the base of shallow slogans. So, we have reached the conclusion that we should put our focus on slogans only.”

Reacting to the development, some PTI members said their struggle was based on both the dhrana and slogans, and that our slogans were not shallow.

“The JI must note that our slogans have been evolved into U-turns.  Whatever our slogans were, they have been U-turned. We hope the JI cannot afford even a single U-turn,” said a PTI member, taking a U-turn on The Mall in Lahore.    

August 14 will be a day after Aug 13: Fawad Chaudhry

After reading Fawad Chaudhry tweets that Eidul Azha will be on August 12, the Central Reut-i-Hilal Committee chairman has announced that the Zilhaj moon has been sighted in Pakistan. Meanwhile, Fawad Chaudhry’s App has predicted that August 14 will be on August 14, a day after August 13.

"(As Fawad Chaudhry has confirmed) Eidul Azha will be celebrated in Pakistan on Aug 12," he said while reading Fawad Chaudhry’s tweet on his mobile phone. The chairman made the announcement in Karachi before reporters after reading the tweet three times and receiving testimonies that the tweet was genuine.

The chairman said that the committee had received 72 testimonies from across the country that Fawad Chaudhry had sighted the moon and they had read his tweet with a large telescope.

The government on Wednesday has declared August 12, 13, 14 and 15 as holidays on account of Eidul Azha. This was announced after Fawad Chaudhry’s App said that August 14, the independence day will be right on August 14, not a day before as Popalzai had said.

According to a notification issued by the Ministry of Interior, Saturday, August 17, however, will be a working day.

In June, Minister for Science and Technology Fawad Chaudhry had already announced that this year, Eidul Azha will fall on Monday, Aug 12.

Great climate of Islamabad linked to Faisal Vawda’s silence

Expecting a landmark discovery, medical researchers and experts are examining the climate of Islamabad as under its influence, Federal Minister Faisal Vawda has not given a statement in the last 30 days. According to researchers, this is the longest period in the history of mankind when Faisal Vawda has not given a laughable statement.

“The climate looks great for the people like Faisal Vawda,” said Dr Researcher while examining the impacts of the air and climate of Islamabad on Sunday.

He suggested if President Trump, Saudi Crown Prince Muhammad bin Salman, Prime Minister Modi and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un were made to stay in Islamabad along with Faisal Vawda, the world would be a better place.

“Since it is impossible to keep Trump, MBS, Modi and Kim, we should be happy with the current situation of Faisal Vawda. He has not spoken to the media for over a month, which has brought lots of normalcy in the country,” said the doctor.

Sources close to Faisal Vawda, however, said the minister was all well and doing great work in his office.

When contacted, Faisal Vawda said the climate of Islamabad was rubbish.

“The opposition thinks that after plastic ban, they will be able to get me gagged. I know their worth and I know how to handle them.”  

Cabinet sees solution to Kashmir issue in dharna along LoC

Taking a decisive decision on the Kashmir issue, the federal cabinet has decided to arrange a viniferous dharna along the Line of Control so that the Modi government crumbles down.

“This is the time-tested formula to weaken and topple governments; we have done this at D Chowk and we will do it again at LoC and its vibrations will reach the corridors of New Delhi and soon the Modi government will go home,” Special Assistant to the Prime Minister on Information and Broadcasting Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan said on PTV.

Reacting to the federal cabinet’s announcement on dharna, opposition leader Fazalur Rehman ridiculed the cabinet for coming up with an outdated idea.

“Dharan only works herein Islamabad; if you want to have some visible change on the Kashmir issue, you need to first make the Kashmir Committee effective. When I was the chairman of the NA Committee on Kashmir, no government in New Delhi had the courage to change the status of India-held Kashmir. Now, when you’ve removed the experienced hand, the result is in front of you.”

Hailing the dharna decision, several TV anchors tweeted that the occasion would provide them with ample chances to go live 24/7.

Meanwhile, the nation has vowed to fight for Kashmir along with the armed forces (but only through tweets).