Modi unblocks Imran’s number after win, but receives missed calls

After a landslide victory on May 23, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Damodardas Modi has unblocked the number of his Pakistani counterpart Imran Khan but only to receive a couple of missed call from him late on May 24, a story that the NDTV has not revealed so far. Modi had blocked all Pakistani numbers four years ago, terminating all possible channels of communication with his eastern neighbours.

The story yet to be released says that as soon as Modi was conveyed about his historic win late on May 23, he took his mobile, looked for Imran Khan’s number and unblocked it.

On May 24, he found there were a couple of missed calls on it. His personal attendant told him that only after one beep, the call from Imran Khan was dropped. Now, Modi has deployed the most-vigilant mobile user to pick the call from Imran Khan before it is dropped.

“So far, no success,” Modi was informed.

On the other hand, Federal Saving Figure Minister Faisal Vawda has said that Imran Khan and his cabinet had saved millions of rupees by cutting down their mobile phone expenditures.

“We all only miss call. It’s the receiver’s duty to call us back; otherwise, we tweet and let the person know what we want to say,” he said.

He said sooner or later, Modi would have to call Imran Khan back.   

“French and Malaysian heads also had to call to Imran Khan,” he said, short of a smile.

Some sources said the cash-strapped government had no balance in the phones of the cabinet and because of that they were dependent on miss calls.

Prime Minister’s Assistant on Information will deny the report tomorrow, her officials said.     

Khawaja Asif, Sheikh Rasheed to tutor Talal in sexist remarks

Khawaja Asif and Sheikh Rasheed have vowed to tutor their brother-in-comment Talal Chaudhry on how to be a misogynist, pass anti-feminism comments and still get away with it shamelessly.

In a joint statement issued hours after Talal Chaudhry tweeted regretting his comments which “hurt” Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan, both Khawaja Asif and Sheikh Rasheed put their differences aside and said they were pissed off to see that their comrade, who has potential to be the leading sexist, had succumbed to social media campaigns ridiculing him for his remarks at the appearance of Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan.

“To get away with such comment is not an uphill task; you only need to come up with such sexist remarks so often that you are an established misogynist. Public memory is short and people move on,” the statement read.

Khawaja Asif reminded Talal Chaudhry how he had braved formidable opposition onslaught with an unpleasant smile on his face after his tractor trolley comments.

“Koi Sharm nai hoti, koi haya nai hoti,” he said in the statement, referring to the matters related to degrading women.

“Talal Chaduhry is trying to play on either side of wicket, which is not a good game strategy,” said Sheikh Rasheed.

According to sources, Imran Khan also smiled when he watched Talal Chaudhry’s comment in a video footage and asked his party not to react to it. Instead, he said Talal should try his skills on Bilawal too.

On the other hand, Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari has criticized the party of Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan for not supporting her against Talal Chaudhry. He said the silence of Fawad Chaudhry on the issue was not meaningless.

Dollar explains why it’s so high; Dr Firdous explains why it’s so low

Dollar has promised to come down when the weather cools down and the government and the public of Pakistan regain senses, which is likely to happen in October. In a costly message to the finance wizards and the talk shows hosts of Pakistan, $$$ dollar said that summer used to be a cool time in Pakistan.

“But not anymore,” thundered $$$ from the peaks not visible to naked eyes.

“Statements by government and opposition functionaries are adding heat to the weather, which makes it difficult for me to keep low. So, sorry. First, you people need to behave and be nice to each other, and then I’ll start coming down.”

The million dollar statement said that when the American bill was historically low to Pakistani rupee, the condition of the public did not improve much.

“Tell me when the public was happy and comfortable in those times when I was not so high. So, the exchange rate doesn’t matter much. Basically, it is your lust and incompetence that is making the people’s lives worst.”

Reacting to the announcement, government’s spokesperson Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan laughed and said that now even dollar itself had confirmed that the opposition was corrupt and that the government was on the right track.

Dollar denied Dr Firdous Awan’s statement but Dr Awan snubbed it, saying that it should watch the PTV to see for the facts.

The opposition alliance welcomed dollar’s statement and said the US bill had confirmed their concerns that the government was corrupt.

Dollar again issued a statement clarifying that it did not mean so.

Opposition parties have announced that they would discuss the dollar statement at an ifrat-dinner, where payments would be made in dollars.

Dollar queen Ayan Ali was not available for comment.  

Opp to continue iftar-dinners even after Ramazan after Dr Awan feels mircheen

Flamboyant by the shocked reaction of Special Assistant to Prime Minister on Information Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan, the joint opposition has decided to continue with their iftar dinners even after the month of Ramazan until the government accepts their demands.

Leaders of the opposition parties on Sunday announced their plans to launch protests in the shape of Iftar parties inside and outside the parliament after Eidul Fitr while on the insistence of Maulana Fazalur Rehman, these iftar dinners will be called All Parties Conference and Iftar Dinners.

"Today opposition leaders came to my house for this iftar-dinner, oh sorry All Parties Conference and Iftar Dinners, and I am thankful that they came; tomorrow, they should arrange such All Parties Conference and Iftar Dinners so that the fast-breaking continues until we break the back of the government," PPP Chairman Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari said after the iftar-dinner at Zardari House in Islamabad on Sunday. The event was attended by several leaders, including a delegation of PML-N, which was headed by, Maryam Nawaz says by her, while Hamza Shahbaz says, he headed it.

"We have decided to hold such iftar-dinner to discuss Pakistan's issues and eat pakoras,” Bilawal added.

Reacting to the iftar-dinner by Bilawal-Bhutto Zardari, Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan the opposition had even failed to arrange the iftar-dinner properly.

“I've got reports that dahi bhallay were short in supply while Hamza Shahbaz got angry when he was not offered lemonade (niboo panree),” said the delighted Dr Awan.

“Also, pakoras had a lot of mirch, because of which no one ate them.”

She dared the opposition to first arrange proper niboon panree and then start a protest drive against the government. She said had the offshore drilling been a successful venture, she would have sent a container of lemons to the opposition.

Ahsan Raza Lectures Journalism Class

Ahsan Raza Lectures Journalism Class

Indian elections divide Imran Khan’s cabinet

Minister for Spirituality and Science Naeemul Haq has predicted the re-election of Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi after the news that he embarked on a spiritual break Saturday to a famous Himalayan pilgrimage site.

On the other hand, Modi’s archrival Rahul Gandhi was reportedly planning to cultivate ladyfingers and bitter gourds on the Moon. He has the full backing and blessings of Science and Technology Minister Fawad Chaudhry. Both Rahul and Fawad believes that lemon and vegetables could be cultivated without water, air, sunlight and seeds.

Prime Minister Imran Khan, who is also under the spiritual spell of month-long silence has decided to be neutral in the tug of war between spirituality and modern science and technology.

On the eve of the seventh and final day of voting in the world's biggest democratic exercise, Modi, 68, meditated at a holy cave wrapped in an orange robe in the northern state of Uttarakhand.

But this has divided the Pakistani nation into two camps.

One camp is supporting Modi and the other Rahul and both have their own reasons.

The group going for Modi says they support him because of his excessive likings for mangoes. The Rahul group says they like him because he might like guavas.