Satire: 20th ‘effective mechanism’ in the workings to bar outlawed leaders from polls

For the 101^st time in all, and 50^th time in 2019 alone, Minister of State for Interior Shehryar Khan Afridi has hinted at developing an effective mechanism to bar leaders of proscribed organisations from taking part in polls.

First winking at the crowd, and then looking into the eyes of TV cameras sternly, the firebrand minister of the firebrand Prime Minister Imran Khan’s cabinet told a dumbfounded gathering: “What has been happening in the past will not be allowed to continue.”

 Later on, he told reporters after addressing the closing ceremony of a spring festival at the Kohat garrison that if those proscribed organisations take part in elections with some other names and symbols in the coming local government elections, we will let them do and later on we will again come up with an another effective mechanism to bar leaders of proscribed organisations from taking part in polls with camouflaged names and symbols.  

If done so that will be for the 20th times in the history of Pakistan.

When asked whether a mechanism was being evolved to prevent leaders of banned outfits from taking part in electoral politics and to stop fourth schedulers from travelling for Haj and Umrah, the minister thundered that the impatient press needed to wait unless the mechanism was evolved.

The minister, very seriously, said that the ongoing “crackdown” on outlawed organisations had not been initiated under any external pressure.

“By external pressure, I don’t mean the opposition leaders such as Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari, who day and night presses us to go tough on banned organisations. Mr Bilawal, please listen to my words with your open ears that we will not succumb to any external pressure.”

A reporter jumped in and said that China and America were also pressing Pakistan to rein in outlawed leaders, the minister smiled (for the first time after being inducted into the cabinet) and said that China and America were our friends and friends’ advice should not be dubbed as external pressure.   

He said the government was committed to transforming Pakistan so that nobody could point a finger at it.

He said the government has seized religious seminaries, ambulances, dispensaries, hospitals and other assets linked to the proscribed organisations. “The government has also released funds to run these assets,” he said. When a few reporters chuckled, the minister got angry and said he was not cracking a joke.

The reporter said that if the religious projects are running smoothly, what is the good of seizing them.

The minister said the world should appreciate the government for our good intentions.

Mr Afridi said in the past, whenever the FATF delegation arrived in the country, Pakistan’s case was weak because all state institutions were sending different vibes. However, this is not the case now, he added.

“Vibes are very important in such matters. The vibes, which influenced the elections 2018 would be used to FATF delegations,” he explained.

He said the spring festival in Kohat was the beginning of a new season. Over a dozen foreign diplomats attended the festival.

Disclaimer: This is a piece of satire.